I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
