I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
