Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize