I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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