I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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