Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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