Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
