Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
