I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
