after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
