i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
