I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
