So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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