i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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