Please, let me fuck your mom
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
