no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
