I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
