ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
