Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
