So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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