literally had 100 drinks last night.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
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There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
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I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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