Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
