You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I deserve this hangover.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
