My liver just broke up with me...
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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