You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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