I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
