You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
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I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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