did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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