God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
