gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
