yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
