How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
