Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
