I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I could fuck to npr.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
