ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
