Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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