I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
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