ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
