just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
