let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
