Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We had sex on a dog bed..
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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