I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Randomize
