Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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