If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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