You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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