I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
