she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
