i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
