we're blogging at a bar
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Terrible idea I love it
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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