just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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