Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
