drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
