I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I need mimosas to revive my soul
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
