New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
