Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
