i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
