i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
