I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
