is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
