But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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