An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
