SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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