Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
