its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
