Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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