no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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