I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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