now i know why i became what i already was.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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