1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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