My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just had sex on a roof
It's shark week go big or go home
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
