i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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