Got a toothbrush?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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