My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
