I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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