Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
