What did we do last night that was yellow?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Randomize
