I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
